I still remeber the day when I was in my 9th standard. It was my second year in 9th standard!! surprising??? Yes, as a school boy, I never used to study and result was that I had to sit in the same bench for two continues years.
It was then, after the results were announced that my family took me with them to my father's elder brother's house in Hyderabad. We were travelling from chennai to hyderabad in train. The whole journey made me think again and again about how am I to face my relatives and what will I say if they ask about my results. We reached safely, had a wash and finished our breakfast. All of us were assembeled in the living room and to my horror my "Bid dad" asked me that how and what made me fail ?? The question was like a hammer into my ears. I heard the question which I never wanted to listen. My mind was swirling like a whirlpool. All my relatives including my sisters and brothers were present there. My relatives started speaking about their children and studies. I know they will, because they were all good in their academics. My mother too was present there. She was being fired for the faults I comitted and for my failure she was triggered by all of them saying that they did not bring me up properly and they least bothered my studies. I very well knew that my relatives were wrong becuase my mother never let me unattended. She always was caring for me and my studies, but it was me who was never interested in those subjects at all.
All of them, including my teachers used to say that I am really intelligent and sharp but its my laziness that I am not reading and getting marks. No it was not only my laziness but it was hatred to those subjects too that stopped me from exceling in them. Every child In our family was scaled with his/her marks. For that matter my relatives started comparing me with my younger sister too becuase she was perfect in her studies.All my relatives were good in the so called modern studies and I was the odd man out of them.
When all my relatives started attacking my mother with words, she could not bare it and when I saw her, tears were rolling down her cheeks. I know the reason for that is me and unknowingly after seeing her crying I too started crying. That was the first time that I cried for my failure and I think that was the last time!!
Right from that day I started dreaming that one day or the other I will show them that I am no less than their children. It remained dreams for me untill I finished my twelveth exams becuase till then I had to study the same subjects which I hated and could not prove my self that I too can excel like them. But many nights I have spent dreaming about being a great man though not for the world , a great man in my society atleast!!
I scored 65% in my finals. by then the results for all other children in my relatives family were waiting to know if I will atleast passout even. Some how my hard work during the last days showed up it self with some positive results.
Elders in the family were already doing their engineering. All my relatives had and may be even now have a notion that it is only engineering that will make you a man eligible in this world to live and if you do any Science subject even then you are bright other wise you are fit for nothing.
We could not find fault in them even, becuase that was the trend those days. One of my relative was then struggling day and night for a seat in IIT BITS, Pillani.
My father gave me all the freedom to select my future. He gave me the freedom in the sense not a choice between engineering and Science , but a total freedom which would allow me to select anything as a subject of my further studies.
Then in the right time I came to know about an Institution which offers Indological studies for 6years and that too for free. I mean, if a student gets seleceted there then all the six years he will have education, stay and food free of cost. the institution will bare the expense. But getting a seat in that institution was a big challenge for me now!!
If I have to be there, then I should learn Vedas, Sanskrit etc... I was not interested in all these subjects then. But some how, may be it was destined that when I visited the campus I liked and I agreed for Interview. The day came, I had a interview and I was told that only five or six will be selceted for that academic year of that institution. More than 20 applicants. Many were good in mantra chanting and had them byhearted too. But een here I was the odd man out. I have a poor memory and upon that I had a life style of a city boy. the Institution had a silent atmosphere with trees all around all Satvic Vibrations enchanting the place 24x7.
I could see my seniors walking with dhotis on their waist and a piece of cloth on their bare body. I used to see temple poojari's like that. I was tensed for a second and saw myu self as a poojari. OH MY GOD!! I will never end up as a man with bell and a plate in hands.
Soon I ran to the principal to clarify if the institution produces poojari or a Purohit??? His answer was satisfying me that it never encourages the business with Mantras. At last time of results came, and for my surprise I was selected!!
I WAS SELECTED AMONG THOSE FEW !! I felt that Yes! I am capable of something atleast!!
The 6years of studies there will make an indological scholar out of me!! I will learn to speak sanskrit as I speak my mothertoungue. I can understand the Indian scriptures without any translation or transliteration. I can experiment with the Hindu Scriptures and bring out the Hidden Truths in it!!
Yes I did it!! But, when I was in my first year there, the same man, my father's elder brother came there to see me. He saw the whole place and instead of encouraging me, he tried to delude me and take away from that place and said that he will get me a seat in an engineering college etc....
For him what I was doing was rubbish and will not work out in this modern competetive modern world. But it is the same Knowledge which has made me a head of the departement for Indian culture. I am also one among those millions of Indians. Why was I selected for this Job and why not engineers and doctors?? Because the world no more wants engineers instead they need a peace maker. the world today requires a man who can make them happy and bring peace to their minds.
My feild will never have recessions!! hi hi hi!!
It is the same education which made me a man with Name and Fame. The same relatives who were talking ill of me are still struggling for the happiness, name and fame in thier life..
But by gods grace, and by following my dharma as a member of a brahmin family, I stress, not an orthodox family but a brahmin family, today I stand in the society more high than the other so called engineers and doctors in my family...
I understood one thing out of my life till now...
people think that one should study to acheive one's ambition...
People run behind studies not to aquire knowledge. Rather they study hard becuase one day or the other the same will take them to their ambition which is earning money!!
I pity them that they dont know MONEY NAME AND FAME are like shadows...
if you run behind them to catch it in your life.. your running race with the shadow will never end.
BUT for me Studying in itself was an ambition... Gaining SARASWATI in life itself was a goal to acheive. I never went behind certificates and scholorships for opening my bank account or for JOB.
I turned away from making money as an ambition for my future and concentrated upon what I have to do as a son of the family in which I am born and as a citizen of the country of culture and tradition.
Hence I could make it!!! Name fame and Money all are with me today to support me!!
I never had in my mind to use SARASWATI FOR EARNING LAKSHMI.
Today I have an answer for the question "what made me fail??"
With all humbleness and pride I reply that:
"TO BE LIKE WHAT I AM TODAY MADE ME FAIL IN MY 9th STANDARD."
It was then, after the results were announced that my family took me with them to my father's elder brother's house in Hyderabad. We were travelling from chennai to hyderabad in train. The whole journey made me think again and again about how am I to face my relatives and what will I say if they ask about my results. We reached safely, had a wash and finished our breakfast. All of us were assembeled in the living room and to my horror my "Bid dad" asked me that how and what made me fail ?? The question was like a hammer into my ears. I heard the question which I never wanted to listen. My mind was swirling like a whirlpool. All my relatives including my sisters and brothers were present there. My relatives started speaking about their children and studies. I know they will, because they were all good in their academics. My mother too was present there. She was being fired for the faults I comitted and for my failure she was triggered by all of them saying that they did not bring me up properly and they least bothered my studies. I very well knew that my relatives were wrong becuase my mother never let me unattended. She always was caring for me and my studies, but it was me who was never interested in those subjects at all.
All of them, including my teachers used to say that I am really intelligent and sharp but its my laziness that I am not reading and getting marks. No it was not only my laziness but it was hatred to those subjects too that stopped me from exceling in them. Every child In our family was scaled with his/her marks. For that matter my relatives started comparing me with my younger sister too becuase she was perfect in her studies.All my relatives were good in the so called modern studies and I was the odd man out of them.
When all my relatives started attacking my mother with words, she could not bare it and when I saw her, tears were rolling down her cheeks. I know the reason for that is me and unknowingly after seeing her crying I too started crying. That was the first time that I cried for my failure and I think that was the last time!!
Right from that day I started dreaming that one day or the other I will show them that I am no less than their children. It remained dreams for me untill I finished my twelveth exams becuase till then I had to study the same subjects which I hated and could not prove my self that I too can excel like them. But many nights I have spent dreaming about being a great man though not for the world , a great man in my society atleast!!
I scored 65% in my finals. by then the results for all other children in my relatives family were waiting to know if I will atleast passout even. Some how my hard work during the last days showed up it self with some positive results.
Elders in the family were already doing their engineering. All my relatives had and may be even now have a notion that it is only engineering that will make you a man eligible in this world to live and if you do any Science subject even then you are bright other wise you are fit for nothing.
We could not find fault in them even, becuase that was the trend those days. One of my relative was then struggling day and night for a seat in IIT BITS, Pillani.
My father gave me all the freedom to select my future. He gave me the freedom in the sense not a choice between engineering and Science , but a total freedom which would allow me to select anything as a subject of my further studies.
Then in the right time I came to know about an Institution which offers Indological studies for 6years and that too for free. I mean, if a student gets seleceted there then all the six years he will have education, stay and food free of cost. the institution will bare the expense. But getting a seat in that institution was a big challenge for me now!!
If I have to be there, then I should learn Vedas, Sanskrit etc... I was not interested in all these subjects then. But some how, may be it was destined that when I visited the campus I liked and I agreed for Interview. The day came, I had a interview and I was told that only five or six will be selceted for that academic year of that institution. More than 20 applicants. Many were good in mantra chanting and had them byhearted too. But een here I was the odd man out. I have a poor memory and upon that I had a life style of a city boy. the Institution had a silent atmosphere with trees all around all Satvic Vibrations enchanting the place 24x7.
I could see my seniors walking with dhotis on their waist and a piece of cloth on their bare body. I used to see temple poojari's like that. I was tensed for a second and saw myu self as a poojari. OH MY GOD!! I will never end up as a man with bell and a plate in hands.
Soon I ran to the principal to clarify if the institution produces poojari or a Purohit??? His answer was satisfying me that it never encourages the business with Mantras. At last time of results came, and for my surprise I was selected!!
I WAS SELECTED AMONG THOSE FEW !! I felt that Yes! I am capable of something atleast!!
The 6years of studies there will make an indological scholar out of me!! I will learn to speak sanskrit as I speak my mothertoungue. I can understand the Indian scriptures without any translation or transliteration. I can experiment with the Hindu Scriptures and bring out the Hidden Truths in it!!
Yes I did it!! But, when I was in my first year there, the same man, my father's elder brother came there to see me. He saw the whole place and instead of encouraging me, he tried to delude me and take away from that place and said that he will get me a seat in an engineering college etc....
For him what I was doing was rubbish and will not work out in this modern competetive modern world. But it is the same Knowledge which has made me a head of the departement for Indian culture. I am also one among those millions of Indians. Why was I selected for this Job and why not engineers and doctors?? Because the world no more wants engineers instead they need a peace maker. the world today requires a man who can make them happy and bring peace to their minds.
My feild will never have recessions!! hi hi hi!!
It is the same education which made me a man with Name and Fame. The same relatives who were talking ill of me are still struggling for the happiness, name and fame in thier life..
But by gods grace, and by following my dharma as a member of a brahmin family, I stress, not an orthodox family but a brahmin family, today I stand in the society more high than the other so called engineers and doctors in my family...
I understood one thing out of my life till now...
people think that one should study to acheive one's ambition...
People run behind studies not to aquire knowledge. Rather they study hard becuase one day or the other the same will take them to their ambition which is earning money!!
I pity them that they dont know MONEY NAME AND FAME are like shadows...
if you run behind them to catch it in your life.. your running race with the shadow will never end.
BUT for me Studying in itself was an ambition... Gaining SARASWATI in life itself was a goal to acheive. I never went behind certificates and scholorships for opening my bank account or for JOB.
I turned away from making money as an ambition for my future and concentrated upon what I have to do as a son of the family in which I am born and as a citizen of the country of culture and tradition.
Hence I could make it!!! Name fame and Money all are with me today to support me!!
I never had in my mind to use SARASWATI FOR EARNING LAKSHMI.
Today I have an answer for the question "what made me fail??"
With all humbleness and pride I reply that:
"TO BE LIKE WHAT I AM TODAY MADE ME FAIL IN MY 9th STANDARD."
2 comments:
Amma says - " Happy dat u hav realisd b4 startin ur life style !With lov..!"
Devaa...dat was pretty darin 2 speak openly ab't 1's failures, but dat was nice. Every bitter experience in life is actually a blessing in disguise..only v hav 2 c wat's dat blessin.. in dis case u hav saw dat blessin. i felt very good ab't it. Now u hav got a very good opportunity- 2 b in isolation. u hav plenty of time 2 b in silence. dis silence can bring out a lot of +s out of u.. & it's bein provd now. Go ahead deva...!
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